A Guideline for Being on The Bachelor/ette

10 Jan

A new season of The Bachelor started last week, and it’s drama-filled and crazy already. You’d think all those reality-show cliches would be played out by now, but nope. They’re still around, and still entertaining. You’d also think that those desperate-for-attention men and women would have learned exactly how to behave – or rather, how not to behave – if they hope to get a rose. Based on years of observation and some rather informal study, I’ve come up with a set of basic guidelines for being successful on the show. Think of it as the Bachelor/ette version of “You Might be a Redneck If…”

If you do something outrageous on your way out of the limo, you might not be getting a rose.

If you pick a catfight with someone in the house, you might not be getting a rose.

If you cry into the bachelor’s shirt about the girls in the house, you might not be getting a rose.

If you get drunk at the cocktail party, you might not be getting a rose.

If you have a significant other outside of the show, you might not be getting a rose.

If you get a ridiculous tattoo to prove your love and devotion, you might not be getting a rose.

If you reveal your extremely weird fetish immediately, you might not be getting a rose.

If you sing a creepy song to be romantic, you might not be getting a rose.

If you talk to the bachelor/ette more about the other people than about the two of you, you might not be getting a rose.

If you come on the show “for the wrong reasons,” you might not be getting a rose.

If you believe in a strict “man code,” you might not be getting a rose.

If you whine and complain about all the making out going on in the hot tub, you might not be getting a rose.

If you flirt with show producers, you might not be getting a rose.

If you get the bachelor/ette involved in a he-said-she-said fight they’re not part of, you might not be getting a rose.

If you play mind games to trick the bachelor/ette into kissing you, you might not be getting a rose.

If you sit around talking to other contestants more than the bachelor/ette, you might not be getting a rose.

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