Ten Things Tuesday – November 16

16 Nov

When a bar fight breaks out, you want the best, most badass people around you on your side. Not that I’ve been in many bar fights, but still. If I were, these are the people I would want defending me. And no, you won’t find Chuck Norris here.

1. V. As in, V For Vendetta. You all saw him beat the crap out of those cops with guns, using knives, right? And straight up using a suit of armor to fend off bullets? Not to mention the fact that he’s scary as hell, in a good way, behind that mask. If that’s not badass, I don’t know what is. I watched this movie on November 5, as per my annual tradition, and thus came the inspiration for this list.

2. Sayid Jarrah, from Lost. The guy was an Iraqi interrogator. There are few things he can’t survive. I’m pretty sure he could whip up some explosive right there in the bar, using only different kinds of drinks or whatever greasy bar food we were eating. Seriously, I don’t think there’s anything the guy can’t do. He’s as badass as they come.

3. Neville Longbottom. Because he is worth twenty Malfoys.

4. Yoda. What, you don’t think that little frail, green guy from Star Wars can handle it? Have you seen him fight Count Dooku in Attack of the Clones? It’s pretty epic. He also has The Force on his side. Can’t really compete with that.

5. Achilles. As long as you don’t get him on the heel, he’s invicible. I happen to be quite a fan of Brad Pitt in this role.

6. Sweeney Todd. Would you want to be on the other end of those razors? Didn’t think so. I’m pretty sure you’d run the chance of being mauled along with the rest of the brawlers, given his penchant for madness and murderous revenge. And the fact that pretty much anyone who gets in his way, no matter if he likes you or not, gets it in the end.

7. Han Solo. Anyone who survives being frozen in carbonite can be on my side of the bar fight.

8. The ZomBeatles. As in, Paul is Undead. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of a John Lennon-as-zombie attack. I’d definitely want him defending me – because no doubt it would be to the death. Or undeath. Whatever.

9. Gandalf. Well, let’s see. He falls into a huge underground lake in Moria with the Balrog, dies, and then comes back to life as much more powerful wizard. Is that enough?

10. Dwight Schrute. Not that he would be able to defend much of anything, but I feel like he would cause enough of a distraction for me to get away. Or at least to provide YouTube-worthy footage.

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