Space Oddity

26 Oct

Recently I have come to terms that I have some space issues. It’s something that I’ve been aware of for a while, but only just now admitted that this is something I need to work on. I say this because I think this has been a source of problems in my life.

I’ve never been one to like the invasion of personal space. I don’t like it when people come into my room and move things around. I don’t like a lot of close physical contact; I definitely have my bubble. But thesee issues go beyond just my personal space and my personal belongings. I just like to know where everything is, and be able to find everything exactly where I left it.

I really don’t like change in my life. I understand that change is inevitable; some are good, some are bad. It’s just something that you can’t avoid. But it’s something I don’t like. Whenever anything changes, no matter how small or large, it always takes me a while to get used to it, and accept what’s happening.

And, as awful as it is to say, I don’t especially enjoy having new people come into my life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like people. It’s not the fact that meeting new people is challenging and it’s not that I want to limit myself from new and interesting folks. It’s just that this is a type of change, and I don’t like that. I like things to stay exactly the way they are, and this includes the reationships in my life. I know it’s nothing personal, but I find it hard when new people come into the picture and change the dynamics of things. It’s usually not a bad thing, but it’s something that takes me a very long time to get used to. I resist changes so much that it inevitably becomes quite a hindrance. It’s caused more than a fair share of pain and misunderstanding.

More than anything, I favor stability and consistency. And having my space invaded, and having things change so much, disrupts this need. It’s a problem that I’m aware of, and I’m certainly not proud of it. I really need to work on becoming less this way, if anything with the hopes of gaining back what I have lost.


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