Love Letters for Melody

11 Jul

Last night Melody and I had some fun writing these, written from me to the man she loves.

Dear Sir,

Out of the goodness of my heart I have decided to intervene on the behalf of my good friend Melody. She’s smart, sophisticated, undeniably sexy, and every man’s dream. I think that, deep down, you know this too. And you want her. You want her REAL bad. Admit it: you think about doing inappropriate things to her all the time. But you’ve been friends for such a long time that it seems weird. There’s an odd sexual tension between you that sometimes causes problems. But ultimately, you know it’s going to happen. I say, go for it. You want it, she wants it. We all want it. And then tell her you’re madly in love with her and you want to have lots of sex and babies. It’s the only way to live.

Your new best friend Laura
You can thank me later.


“Look. I know we’ve only met, like, once, but I need to let you know that you’re driving Melody crazy sexually, and that she is therefore doing the same for about 5-10 other men. If you could just do her already, you’d save all of those men a lot of pain. Fuck her in the name of brotherhood. Love, Laura”


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