Archive | January, 2009

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

31 Jan

I’ve been having several dreams about my ex-boyfriend lately, which has left him on my mind a lot. Usually I don’t ever think about him, but for about the past month or so I’ve been having these dreams that have made me think about him quite a bit. It’s been almost three years since I saw or heard from him. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had we stayed friends. He said he wanted to, but didn’t make any effort to keep up a relationship. I didn’t make any, either, but I kind of left it up to him to do that, since he was the one who did the breaking up. When I have these random dreams, then I get to thinking about how much fun it was when we dated (for the most part, anyway). I don’t know where these dreams come from. I guess it’s something buried deep in my subconscious that’s just itching to get out. If it means anything, I’m not sure I want to figure it out.

I almost forget now what it’s like to have a boyfriend. I haven’t dated anyone since – haven’t even been out on a random date with anyone. That comes with the territory at chick school. I think sometimes, because I haven’t heard anything from him in so long, and because I haven’t dated anyone since, that makes me more nostalgic than I should be. It’s kind of a funny place to be; most people my age are regularly dating, but I’m in that special category that doesn’t do that. Not by choice, mind you, but rather the victim of circumstance. I don’t want to be one of those girls who whines about never having a boyfriend, and desperately wanting to get married. But for me, it’s weird to think about my future dating life. I’m planning on moving back home for about a year to save money for grad school, and I can’t imagine dating while doing that. I’m certainly not expecting any new romantic developments before May, either, so it’s interesting to think about where I’m going to be to meet someone.

Being at a women’s college has left me without any guy friends. I really, truly don’t know any boys anymore, with the exception of Eowyn’s perfect boyfriend Jared. I have a feeling I’m going to be extremely awkward when I do meet people and start dating again, because I only know how to act around girls. I’m either going to be insanely weird or a guy’s dream. I don’t think there will be much gray area there.

It’s weird how people come in and out of your life. One day you’re perfectly happy with your friendships and relationships, and suddenly it’s three years later and you still have random dreams about him. I’m not still in love with him, but I feel like I didn’t have a lot of closure, either. I have no idea what I would say to him if I ever did see him again, and at the same time I think it’s for the best. I never understood how people kept up friendships with people they once dated; I think it would be too weird for me. I have some really good memories of when we were together, but that’s just what they are: memories. It would never be the same again, so I think, in a way, it’s better not knowing the alternative.

Who knows. Maybe we’ll meet again one day. Maybe not. I am interested to see what’s happened to him in the last three years, but I’m not curious enough to do anything about it.


No More Januarys

30 Jan

My last-ever January term is now over. I’m really going to miss our month-long laziness, Beatles obsession, and movie watching. January was always a time to just kick back and have some fun while still earning school credits. For those who have never experienced it, January is a magical time. Any Converse upperclassman or alumna will tell you that it’s the greatest thing ever. Those who find themselves bored during January simply aren’t exploring all their possibilities.

As I finish up school, I will be forever grateful for having January. I will always look back on it with fond memories. Freshman year was the Beatles class and the beginning of our ridiculous, consuming obsession. Sophomore year was The Year of Sex, where I learned all about the birds and the bees from both a biological and literary standpoint, and it was the year of epic fort building. Junior year was the ultimate January experience, in Spain and France. This year was spent in Counseling, learning how to ask open-ended questions, and watching movies from every genre imaginable. I will forever owe a lot of memories to January; some years were a lot more work than others, but there were always, always good times to be had. There was never an overwhelmingly bored moment, because there was always something fun and irresponsible to do. It’s been great, and I will always miss it. January will never be the same, but will always have that special ring to it, in my heart.

I’m back at home for a few days now. I left this morning after our presentation on social feminism, which concluded my endeavours into psychotherapy for the month. It’s good to be back, but it’s so quiet around here. James is at school, of course, so life goes on here as usual, without the kids. I’m going back to school on Monday, even though we’re technically off for break until Wednesday morning, when classes for the spring start. There’s just not a lot of point in staying here later than Monday morning, because my parents will be working, and my grandmother will be here all day anyway, doing something housewifey. Actually, I found out tonight that my mom is leaving for Atlanta on Sunday afternoon, so she won’t even be here for about half my break. I do enjoy seeing my dad and grandmother, but there’s just not much to do around here. My friends here at home are already in class for the spring, and working, so they won’t be doing anything during the day anyway.

It will be good to be at school for a couple of days before the term starts, to just hang out and not really do much of anything. I’ll actually be able to get ready for the new term. I usually forget about starting a new one, and go to class for the first few days with random bits of notebook paper because I’ve forgotten to go buy a new notebook for my classes. Maybe I should try and be paper-free this semester, and take my computer to classes all day. I won’t really have that much note-taking, now that I think about it. Probably just for my art history class, because the rest of it is a drawing class, volleyball, and other practical things like my internship and writing my art history paper. So I might not need that much paper after all.

It’s hard to think this is the beginning of my last undergraduate semester. In a few months, I’ll be a college graduate. It’s funny how, four years after high school, so much is different. You finish high school and start college, and you kind of think your life is set for a while. But four years goes by before you know it, and suddenly you have to make so many more complicated decisions than you did before. Job? Grad school? Find a husband? It’s just a lot to think about. My dad’s new favorite topic of conversation is to tell me about random job opportunities he thinks I should look into, or people he knows in town that I should contact about getting a job. It’s about all I can do right now to just get through each day, and finish all of my immediate work, let alone think about the future.

As of right now, the only thing in my future I’m concerned with is graduation. And that countdown has officially begun!

Three Cups of Tea

29 Jan

The next book on my reading list is Three Cups of Tea, recommended by my mom. She finished it recently and said it was very good, so I decided to give it a try. I hope to start it within the next few days, hopefully while I’m at home on break this weekend.

Not only is this book my new reading project, but I have also lately become obsessed with hot teas. I never used to be a big tea drinker, unless it was sweet iced tea. I was always a coffee girl. But, most likely due to Lindsay’s influnce, I have started getting into tea. Over the past few months I’ve started developing a taste for it. I like mostly sweeter teas (I don’t really like chai and other spicier or more savory teas) and green teas that are more delicate. I do enjoy a good cup of black tea, though, with much stronger flavor, every once in a while. My absolute favorite is Tazo Passion tea, which is purple! It’s so delicious. Sweet and heavenly. I also very much love blackcurrant tea. It’s great either hot or cold!

Teas are so beautiful, too. I love getting the semi-expensive ones that have flowers and herbs and other pretty things in the bags. Tea is really good for you, too. I need caffeine to stay up late (as most students do), and tea is a much better, healthier way to do that, without loading down on soft drinks or coffee all the time. I’ve spent quite a bit of money on tea the last several months. It really came in handy during those early mornings at AATA.

Another of my new discoveries is hot lemonade. I like to make this in the dining hall, especially during the winter. They put out lemons for the tea, and I just put five or six slices in a cup and then put hot water from the coffee machine in the cup, a couple of splendas, and there’s your hot lemonade. The boiling hot water kind of cooks the lemons, and brings out the juices to make the water really sweet. It tastes just like the fresh-squeezed lemonade you get at the fair, except that this is hot and really great during the winter.

I confess that I don’t know much about tea, other than what I like and don’t like. I’m not what you would call a conoisseur, but I really do appreciate it. I would love to learn more about tea, and some different varieties and ways to make it. It’s definitely on its way to being a new favorite past-time.

I think I’ve talked myself into making a cup of tea right now.

This Little Piggie

28 Jan

Being from the South, I have that stereotypical view of socks: I do not like to wear them. My feet feel very restrained and restricted when I wear them. I like to be barefoot more than anything, or wearing a cute pair of heels or ballet flats that do not require socks.

Because it’s winter, I’ve been wearing socks much more often. I have noticed an improvement in my overall body temperature because of this. This is going to sound like the dumbest, most obvious statement ever, but socks really are effective in keeping your feet warm. Duh, I know. I still don’t particularly like them, but I guess you could say that my feet have been “warming up” to them recently.

If I ever make it up to DC, I think I will die during the winter. I don’t like cold weather. And I’m pretty sure they will not approve of the bare feet thing so much. Not to mention the fact that it’s kind of necessary to wear them during the winter up there.

Ten Things Tuesday – January 27

27 Jan

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately, and was inspired to do a list of my favorite actors and actresses. As it should be, ladies first:

1. Kate Winslet. Hands down the most brilliant actress today. She totally deserves an Oscar by now. She’s done everything you can imagine, all sorts of characters, all wonderfully. If I could put just one woman on this list, she would be it.

2. Natalie Portman. I think she’s just so beautiful. She might not be the greatest on this list, but there’s just something about her that I really love. She seems to have it all together.

3. Anne Hathaway. She always plays such age-appropriate roles. She started out funny in The Princess Diaries and now she’s morphed into a poised, attention-worthy, sophisticated woman. I love her.

4. Renee Zellweger. She can be ridiculous and serious. I forever love her as Bridget Jones, but also love how nasty she is in Chicago.

5. Audrey Hepburn. She was always so classy and kind. Mari loves her more than I do, but she most definitely makes my list.

6. Catherine Zeta-Jones. Her performance in Chicago was enough to solidify her as a powerhouse. Singing, dancing, and acting her ass off. While pregnant. Anyone else who can do that? Don’t think so.

7. Reese Witherspoon. Always so cute and fun. I think I would like her in real life, too.

8. Cate Blanchett. I kind of consider her to be the female equivalent of Johnny Depp. I totally believe anything she does. She’s just mesmerizing on screen; she was totally born to be in front of the camera.

9. Meryl Streep. Enough said. People say she’s overrated, but I don’t think so.

10. Audrey Tautou. French actress from Amelie. Probably the “new” Audrey. She’s both wonderful and gorgeous. Can’t wait to see more of her work.

And now let’s hear it for the boys:

1. Ewan McGregor. I’ve never not enjoyed seeing him on film. He’s also got a wide range of characters. I just can’t say enough about him.

2. Johnny Depp. Not because he’s attractive, but because he’s probaby the greatest character actor of our time. I’ve never seen him in any movie where he wasn’t 100% convincing. He totally becomes whatever role he’s playing so completely that you don’t even think it’s him on screen.

3. Leonardo Di Caprio. He just gets hotter with age. But on top of that, he’s extraordinary. I love to watch him in anything.

4. Tom Hanks. Not the most attractive, I’ll admit. But he totally makes up for it by being completely wonderful. He was Forrest Gump. He was a 13-year-old kid in Big. He plays romantic comedy to a new level. Love it.

5. Colin Firth. I have a big thing for British men. And Mr. Darcy.

6. Christian Bale. A really big thing for British men. And also the fact that he always has great (and very distinctly different) accents.

7. Heath Ledger. One word: Joker.

8. Jim Sturgess. He’s British. He sings. He’s cute. He can act. What more do you want?

9. Jack Black. I think he’s underrated. Sure, he’s played his fair share of goofy roles. But he’s so funny and so charming, too. Like a big teddy bear.

10. Gary Oldman. So. So. Good. I watched all of Batman Begins before I realized he was in it. He just molds into characters so well.

And my alternate number 11, John Krasinski. Not because he’s the greatest actor, but because he’s just so darn cute and I have an undying love for him. I couldn’t make this list and not mention him somewhere.

I really wish I could say that I had more Old Hollywood actors on this list, but sadly I don’t know enough about them. I do love old movies a lot, but I just haven’t seen enough. It’s one of my goals to watch all the movies ever nominated for Best Picture, so I will be able to expose myself to them this way. Maybe one day I’ll feel worthy enough to have the classic movie stars on my list, but for now, this is where it stands.

When There are no Boys Around…

26 Jan

Last night in Cudd we participated in one of our favorite past times. My friends and I have very close relationships; that is, we’ve lived together so long we’re just used to little quirks, and we’re kind of over being embarrassed about things like burping and farting. So last night, we did something that I’d say most friends are not willing to do to each other. We pulled out Mari’s big bottle of hydrogen peroxide and dumped it in our ears. With a little more finesse than just dumping, of course.

The purpose was to clean out all the excess dirt and wax that gets built up. Disgusting, right? So we poured 4 or 5 capfuls into our ears and just let it fizzle, for about 10 minutes on each side. Then we flipped our head over really fast and let it rush out, which is probably one of the coolest feelings ever. Hearing all the little fizzes and pops inside your ear is crazy, too. You can hear the fizzing of the peroxide cleaning out everything and loosening up the dirt. Weird, but so much fun. My ears feel nice and clean now.

Nothing Gets Your Room Cleaner Than a Paper Due Tomorrow

25 Jan

So I don’t exactly have a paper due tomorrow, but I’m highly unmotivated to do anything school-related. I have 5 chapters to read by Wednesday for Counseling, but I’d rather clean my room instead. There’s just something about studying in a clean room that makes me feel more productive. And when I clean, I can still feel a sense of accomplishment, even though I’m technically not doing anything of urgency.

Mari has the same problem. We’ve both been sitting around today (and yesterday), doing anything remotely not resembling homework. Our room is getting cleaner by the minute. We’ve both washed our sheets, washed the dishes, and generally tidied up. There’s been a lot of movie watching, too. I also finished Jon Stewart’s America book yesterday, when I should have been reading an actual textbook.

It’s just so much easier to clean the room than read. Reading for school is boring. It requires a lot of concentration on 25-30 pages of information you’re inevitably going to forget on the test. I don’t have class tomorrow, which is also a big motivation to not do anything. I do, however, have to go to SADAC and run some errands that I’ve been putting off. I don’t feel overwhelmed by Jan term school work, but I’m tired of this reading thing. I did enough of it last semester. I know there’s only more to come in the spring, but I’m not looking forward to it! I wish there was a way to study and learn things without having to keep your eyes open all the time. If anyone figures this out, please let me know.