First Love

5 Dec

Last night I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend, who was really my first love. We dated our senior year of high school and most of freshman year of college. But distance of course got in the way, and we grew apart. When we broke up, he said he wanted to still be friends, but I haven’t heard anything from him in almost three years. I really don’t know what I would do if I saw him again. Would I be mad, or would I be happy to see him again? I’m sure it would be weird, either way. I have been curious about that, if we were ever to run into each other. I don’t hate him, but I’ve gotten over him by now.

Sometimes I still dream about him, and it always kind of puts me in a weird mood the next day. Not bad, just different. Like my subconscious won’t let it go. My dream wasn’t bad, either, but I’ve stil been thinking about it all day. It’s funny how you can go for a while and not think about a person, and then something random, like a dream, will suddenly make you think about them again. Maybe it’s because it’s getting close to Christmas. I think I get sentimental during the holidays.

Sometimes I really do miss him. The vast majority of my time I don’t think about him or when we were together. But every once in a while I miss having someone there. I think, in a way, you never really get over your first love. There will be other boyfriends, I’m sure. But I’ll always wonder about the first one. It was great while it lasted; there were of course ups and downs. Because we broke up sort of suddenly, I’ve wondered sometimes if I really did love him. I think I did, although I don’t have much experience in that area to compare it to.

It’s hard thinking about these things. I’ve moved on, but I still think about it sometimes. I think it will always be in some small part of me.

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