So Close, So Far

9 Oct

Well, I did it. I finished the rough draft of my paper. It’s a big load of crap right now, but the draft to turn in at 4:00 is finished. I never thought I would finish on time. I thought I would be up half the night, writing, writing, writing, even coming back from SADAC today and writing some more. But I finished last night around 11:45, and I was so relieved. Of course, the paper isn’t completely finished (that’s in November), but for now, I did what I’m supposed to do. I am excited, though, about the sessions at the AATA conference, because there are several that have to do with my paper topic. Hopfully I will be able to see these presentations and will get some valuable information for my own paper.

Today I did my first official intervention activity with the group at SADAC. It’s so eye-opening to be in that group, because their life experiences are so far removed from my own. Addiciton recovery is a long, grueling process, and it’s admirable that these women want to get help. True, most of them are DSS referred and would rather not spend so much time in these sessions, but I still admire their strength and courage to seek help. I was so nervous today doing my first activity. I hope they liked it; I could tell that some of them weren’t into it at all, and were nervous. That’s understandable, because art therapy is a challenging field that isn’t very well-known or understood. Hopefully I will get better and better as my time there goes on, and will be effective in helping their recovery process. I don’t think I changed any lives today, but I do think they enjoyed the activity.

Listening to their stories really puts my life into perspective. I haven’t experienced half of what they have, and it’s difficult to relate to their point of view. Many of them have had their licenses taken away, so they have difficulty finding rides to come to all their sessions and generally get things done in their lives. I was sitting there today, listening, and thinking that I’m so lucky to have come from the environment that I did. I haven’t been given everything I wanted, and I’ve had to work hard, but I’ve had it pretty easy compared to these women.

Even though I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I’m still not happy with my life right now. I don’t feel like I ever get to have down time, and I don’t spend it with my friends. Every weekend that something fun has happened around here, such as going out at night or doing something fun, I haven’t been around. It’s a strange feeling, but I’m becoming a workaholic, and it’s really straining my relationships. I really only see most of my friends at mealtimes anymore. I think it’s more than just some mild depression; I really feel like I’m overworked, because I never have fun anymore.

I’m supposed ot help out the other class officers with a project for 1889 tonight, but I’m not going because I desperately want to watch The Office. I feel this is justified, because I’ve been under such stress lately; I feel like I deserve this one, half-hour luxury during the week. Is that too much to ask, to watch my favorite TV show, the only one I ever make time for during the week? I don’t think it is.

Fall break is almost here. Half a semester gone, without ever really knowing where the time went. Not much more time and it will be Thanksgiving, the Christmas, then January, then leaving. I need a break from school, badly. I’m so burnt out, and I want to spend some time with my family. I haven’t seen them much in the last year, because I spent all summer here in Spartanburg.

I can’t believe I’ll be home on Friday, and 1/4 of my senior year will be done. It just can’t be time for that. I haven’t accomplished anything, haven’t really talked to my friends that much, haven’t had any time to relax. I’m excited for break, but it’s a sad feeling, too. Where has all my time gone?

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